Sunday, December 28, 2003

Hello all. Its 3:30 in the am and I should be in bed, but there is something I want to share. My 100 list will need to wait. To get right to the point, I'm in need of therapy. First, I just want to say the year 2004 will be the year I piss or get off the pottie.

I don't want to date anyone, but I still want affection, is that wrong? Do I need to be dating someone in order to get that? I need to figure so much out in the next year. My head isn't right. ERG. Do I still love him? As he completely slip away from me? If I decide I still want him, will it be too late? Will he be there? And if he's moved on, will I be okay? I'm okay now, but there are those moments where familiarity is so comfortable. Furthermore, do I lose my recently acquired friends if DG doesn't understand I don't want to date and that I just want to be friends? What will our future look like?

There is so much I need to figure out. Give me strength.

Monday, December 15, 2003

The one hundred requested

1. I'm a proud father; my son's name is Nicholas Miguel, he's seven.
2. He's in karate.
3. He lives in Maryland. He stays with me during the summer, and I go see him throughout the year (Thanksgiving, Christmas, his birthday, spring, and fall).
4. He likes to draw the state of Texas and put a star where Austin should be.
5. He's my heart.
6. We're both Aquarians.
7. Poor thing, he's allergic to chocolate.
8. I miss him everyday I'm not with him.
9. I will move closer to him once my Mom is no longer with us. I want to spend has much time with her as I can.
10. My Mom has a rare liver disease. It's been the single most hardest thing to cope and deal with.
11. I'm the youngest of four brothers and one sister.
12. I'm agnostic.
13. My definition of death: do you remember when you were three days old? No, of course not. Nothing is there...that's what death afterlife, heaven or hell just nothing.
14. I'm a south-paw.
15. I worry too much about other people's feelings.
16. I've witnessed child's fucking awesome!!!
17. I've been through a gas chamber.
18. I've hiked up a very steep mountain (called Mt. Motherfucker).
19. I hate compliments!!!
20. JFK's assassination and all that surrounds it intrigues me.
21. I enjoy history.
22. I wanna most be like Dominick Dunne.
23. I love Grover. And by the way he's asexual.
24. I have a scar on my foot, where, when I was little, I placed a hot iron on it.
25. Supposedly, when I was a baby our family dog saved my life. Ask my Mom about that one.
26. Sharing things is awesome. I love people who share. Why be greedy? Greedy people suck!!!
27. I have one tattoo. It's Grover and its on the outside of my left leg above my ankle. I always forget I have it.
28. I'm never bored. Even if I look it.
29. I love meeting people!!! Everyone has a story.
30. Music is my life support. I love all types of music. I would rather be blind then deaf so I can continue to listen to music.
31. I where glasses and contacts.
32. I shave my arms, nipples, trail, and trim my jewels (and in the summer I try and shave my legs). I hate hair on me. I don't mind it on other people, but me...fuck that!!
33. My first attraction to a boy was in fifth grade.
34. I was a loner in school.
35. My friends in High School consisted of a few band members and journalism peps.
36. I love cookies. Oreo and Girl Scout Mint Chocolate are my favorites.
37. I wore braces. I still have my bottom retainer that's attached behind my teeth. (update: I had removed Jan '05)
38. Sizes: waist-31,32 weight-145, height-5'8", shoe size-9.
39. I hate malls.
40. I Know Grease , Urban Cowboy, The Color Purple, Steel Magnolias, The Shining, Willy Wonka..., Clue , and The Warriors , all by heart.
41. Some commercials have been known to make me cry.
42. I will try any dish once. If it's edible and no one has died from eating it...I'll try it.
43. I love my Shiner Bock (update: Dos XX) and gin & tonic.
44. I love my new circle of friends!!!
45. My sister is my wall. I loved playing Barbies with her more than playing with my hot wheels. 46. Disintegration is a complete and absolute gift to this world.
47. I so want to bungie jump and parachute someday.
48. I'm afraid to commit to paper and having it published (yea, right) because I will offend so many people.
49. I don't own a bed or dresser (update: I have both now).
50. I miss my long hair (update: it's long again) , I miss being in my twenties, I miss The Planet Cafe, I miss my house on Troost Ave and Azalea, I miss the people at DFAS. I miss chanting during runs. And I miss my son.
51. When I was ten I made a fake FBI badge...I still have it.
52. My first girlfriend was Christina Cagle...I hear she lives in Austin.
53. In fifth grade, we had to memorize and recite a poem every week...fucking Mrs. Pesek.
54. My kindergarten teacher was also my cousin. She showed me how to flutter my eyes...did she know?
55. I love lemons, avocados, chicken and rice, meatloaf, Mangia Pizza, and the crushed ice in drinks from Sonic.
56. I love being a liberal.
57. I love everybody. I can't think of one person I absolutely despise. It's not in my vocabulary.
58. Everyone is beautiful...I mean that.
59. This list is harder than I thought.
60. I've written something about auto-erotic asphyxiation. Oh my, I can't believe I'm sharing, here it goes:
A perfect smile on a pale face
entered a brief moment of euphoric bliss.
To heighten his desire, he stepped forward with a push and kiss
that set the wheel in motion,
to give his body and soul the warmth it wished.
The floor was now white and wet like the saliva on his chin.
It's an extravagant explicit experience;
its exasperating and utterly exhilarating.
So please, extrovert your perverse desire for
auto-erotic asphyxiation.
The rest later...

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Bean scented candles...

Hello. I wanted to update my blog but the alcohol intake is making it too hard at the moment so I will just make a list:

Melonie- great conversations, thanks. I'm glad your apart of my family's life!!!
tamale making-who thought it was so damn hard, but fun as hell at the same time
gay social events-keep them coming
MG&K-when is your next party?
ALLGO-I'm all over it
Mexic-arte Museum - enough said!!
G - do the snake again...and if that's not enough, maybe the fart dance
sign language for...flying asshole
R-you're a great waiter!!!!
EG-your new By George outfit rocked!!
ERG-just adore your new gay toothbrush
Grandparents, Christmas, and cooking...maybe football..okay football, but who the fuck is the nose-tackle?
explanation (story) of every article of clothing your wearing...that's talent!! Can you do that?
Good night...don't forget to tip your waiter!!!

Love you bitches

Monday, December 08, 2003

me and kc

I had this previous entry saved but never here it is. I have a lot to cover so lets get started. Thanksgiving was great although I didn't spend enough time with my family because of my flight on Saturday, but who's complaining, huh? Anyway, My trip went well. I saw snow for the first time this season. I don't miss it, but it's always beautiful to watch. I met BR's father, he reminds me of someone that should've been apart of the orginal Rat Pack...quick witted and always joking around. I would love to work for him. When I was gone, I missed everyone back in Austin. I even called Ernest to tell that...he got wierded-out and I think its because he thought I wanted to date again.

This past weekend was packed full of good times...that later!!!

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

I've learned what R&R is all about and I can tell you it doesn't stand for rest and relaxation...

Greeting from KC!! I miss Austin and my friends! I've been working my ass off here and I'm not complaining (per say) it's just I haven't worked this hard, physically in a long time. Besides, I actually kind of enjoy the work-out. BR and the crew have been really great because they understand I won't be able to remember all this information all at once...more later, gotta go.